Artificial Tears

I've got a little box of artificial tears.
I don't need them anymore; you can have them all for free.
My eyes, they used to get so dry it hurt to look around
But some days they get so wet now, that I can't even see.

Three months ago I got these contact lenses.
Thought they'd make me look a little younger, and they did.
My baby liked it, then I guess she got to thinkin';
And pretty soon she wants to run off with some 20-somethin' kid.

And I said, Babe, it's time we start to act our ages
We'd better smarten up ourselves while we still can
And if you'll agree to be my own old woman
Then you know I'll be your good old man
We'll stop dressing up like a couple of skater punks
And we can be ourselves and live our lives away
Singing, and loving, and laughing and swapping stories,
Happy for the silver threads among the grey.

So I'll go back again to wearing my bifocals on my nose
No more muscle tees and sandals, I'll have orthopedic hose.
And the only six-pack you'll find here is in the ice box in the kitchen
Those young kids'll probably think we've let ourselves go, but I think we're pretty bitchin'.

I've got a little box of artificial tears.
I don't need them anymore; you can have them all for free.
My eyes, they used to get so dry it hurt to look around
But some days they get so wet now, that I can't even see.

I want to stick with you, Babe, we can act our age
And grow old together gracefully.