Mortimer and Me

My wife is preparing for the California State Park Ranger agility test, a very rigorous set of physical feats. Most of this she is doing entirely on her own, but I'm proud to be able to contribute in my own small way: as a practice substitute for the dead-weight pull.

I'll be your dummy, just say the word --
Your Charlie McCarthy, your Mortimer Snerd.
You can drag me and drop me, limp as a sack.
Just grab hold of my arms -- I'm flat on my back
For you.

It's the least I can do to help you to practice.
Might tire you out some, but me, it relaxes
To lie here like I was a sackful of sand.
Why, shoot, I'd do most anything if it means I can hold 
Your hand.

'Cause you want to be a Ranger
  and must prove your agility
In the Physical Agility Exam.
It's to show that when there's danger 
  you'll have the right reliability --
I just hope you know, reliably, 
  I'll always be your man.

True, you can go buy dumbbells
And go running at the high school track.
But when you need to haul a dummy,
I know that you'll come running back
To me.